Sunflower

It can be like prison - clanging cell bars, mundane routines, endless years spent in isolation. The sun rises, the sun sets. Life is a shadowy blur, indistinct, without purpose.

When problems are piling up on us, and stress and depression are strangling our energy, we can easily cave in to the consequences of feeling overwhelmed. Floundering, perhaps lost in hopelessness or cynicism, we can become physically ill. Not only does our body become out of balance, but so can our emotions, our thinking and even our spirit. Our voice can take on the ring of defeat, even mocking our own ideals. Alone in a crowd, we drift in a state of solitary confinement, each prisoner peering through their own bars at the next.

Withdrawing into a cell may not necessarily be a bad thing; our private worlds may be helping us learn a greater lesson. But in this state we can be uninspiring to ourselves, and quite possibly to others. And our behaviors, however isolated, can create their own causes and effects. For those effects, on ourselves and others, we are responsible.

There was once a young cook who helped prepare meals for the military garrison in his town. One day, after a great deal of thought, he decided to visit the local monastery. Upon arriving, he requested an audience with the bishop and declared his desire to become a monk. Several interviews with his potential superiors were arranged, which gave the young man’s family and friends time to assess his motivations. It was determined by both family and clerics that he was not being foolhardy, but was thoughtful and deliberate. Strictly voluntary, this particular monastery was known for its practices of isolation, contemplation and mediation. Once the cook was accepted into the order, his life became one of withdrawal. When not attending to the monastery’s gardening needs and chores, he spent most of his time in his cell. In later years, he withdrew from the monastery and found a cave, where he spent the rest of his life.

It can be similar when we withdraw into depression, fear, anxiety and stress. Like the young monk, we are making a ‘free will choice’ to enter these cells. Sometimes these journeys are contemplative, but there are times where we sentence ourselves to jail.

It is not unusual to feel smothered in the dark grip of these solitary, inner chambers. We don’t remember that we are masters of intention and creation. We overlook that when the cell door closes behind us each night, it is never locked. There are no prison guards or wardens. We are able to leave our self-imposed exile at anytime, just like the monk.

Sometimes, after many years, the monks, much like prisoners, can become reluctant to leave the security that the routine of a cloistered and guarded life offers. Withdrawal can become deeply ingrained, a way of living, a security blanket of perceived protection, cutting off integration from the greater world by making integration something to be feared. This can make it difficult to see the fruits and rewards of certain types of withdrawal. It can also make it difficult to stand up and let the inner light shine through – we have become too used to our familiar friend, the dark.

Pacing the floors of our cells of despair, we ignore the ringing sound of the prison door keys, rattling and jangling at our waist. Whether tossing and turning on the hard bench of self incrimination, or squatting and pounding on the cold stone floor of surrender and self-pity, we forget who it is that is making the choice.

But outside, the sun rises and sets every day. Perched forever in a higher perspective, the sun sees who is living in shadowed withdrawal, and who is living more openly, nakedly exposed on treeless plains. Neither approach has an effect on the sun; it just sees choices being made. And for all who live in its kingdom, the sun shines and glows without bias, forever giving its light and life.

A solitary sunflower stands in a field, straining through the earth and beginning to grow. Surrounded and infused by sunlight, it grows tall because it finds its purpose and peace by being nothing more or less than what it is – a sunflower. And it grows and provides life-giving seeds in the simplest of ways - by letting the sun shine in.